just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
