shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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