you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
