If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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