I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
