My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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