My room smells like vodka and shame
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
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We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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