I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
