Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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