You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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