none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
