Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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