Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
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She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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