i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
