she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
