Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
