I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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