I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
