Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
