If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
