this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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