I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
