Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can I color on your dick again?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
