I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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