don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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