I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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