the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
