Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
