a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
