im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize