Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
