yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
soo... how was my night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
