Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
