I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
