remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
