I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
