This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
