I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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