Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
