You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
