Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
