dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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