Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
