I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
