omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
