Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
