My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
