I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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