Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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