First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You can't just leave with hair like that
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
