To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize