I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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