Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
