i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
