hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
