There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
