Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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