I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
