WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
