Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
