tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
