I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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