im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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