ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
