had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize