the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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