TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
