I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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