i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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