Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
