when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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