One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
