were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
