is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I want a musical about memes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize